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Summer Separation :(

Hi :) Lizzy here. So I thought I should write on here because it's been a while since it's summer and we've all been super busy. Anyway this summer I was at camp, the beach, a mission trip, had strep, and had summer work :P So I've been super-duper busy. Gwen and Jane have been too, and so we haven't seen much of each other at all. :( Very sad!! However we've got like 2 weeks until school starts *sob* and then we are REALLY gonna be busy, so I figured, why not update all our bazillions of readers (HA) and tell them all about my current love life, since this thing is indeed the story of our search for love. Noooow lets see. Where to begin?! Well my love interest has shifted. In fact some of my friends and family members believe I am conflicted, however this is just not the case. I had a big crush on Darcy (as you all well know) this past school year, but having not seen him for so long is obviously a reason for the change in my love interest. Even while I had this crush on Darcy all of 9th grade I still had feelings for this guy at my church whom my friends and I call laundry (looong story behind THAT name) anyway I have liked him for over 2 years and of course over the summer I got recconected with him because of youth group so of course my feelings for him came to surface as they always do this time of year because of the mission trip I go to with my church, which he is on. So despite the fact the Darcy and I talk basically  every day now via text/chat/skype/twitter/etc... (I know people these days...) we are just friends and I am trying not to read into the fact we talk as often as we do... 
So here I am, talking constantly with the so called 'boy of my dreams' from 9th grade, and yet still unsatisfied because my attention has now shifted to a guy who probably has no feelings for me whatsover and who despite the fact I hadn't even seen him that often until recently, I do believe is my soul mate.
So as you can see, I am not conflicted at all.

Jan. 7th, 2011

I hate when people try to whisper to me when the teacher is looking right at us..


haha we need to stop doing this...
Women belong in the kitchen, huh? Well, you know why women live longer than men? Because the kitchen is where the knives are.

if you don't like serious, dont read

I hate being serious. I really do. If I'm actually serious, then I remember. I remember how I used to be. How I used to have to be serious. When I was younger, I never really had the choice to be serious or not. It was just sort of expected of me. I was expected to be able to feed and take care of myself... starting in the 5th grade. Now you may be thinking, "What terrible parents that poor child has. They made her take care of herself and make herself something to eat when hungry." Well, if you knew the whole story, you wouldn't think that.

We moved here in '96. I was only a year old. I have 3 older siblings, My awesome older sister who's engaged and is getting married on June 25 of this spring, Nikki, my other amazing older sister, Bree, and my lovable older brother, Tim. In '99, we brought home the newest member of our family, an awesome doggy named King Charles. But he goes by K.C. I love that huge golden retreiver doggy and everything about him (except his smell). I'll miss him a lot when he dies because he's about 12 years old now and retreivers don't live long. Just the thought of living without him and being able to vent to him about whatever hurts a lot. But I guess I should be used to that.

Things were relatively calm for about.... 6 or 7 years. Well as calm as things can be with a huge family of 6 and their 2 pets. (we also have a cat, codie).

"All good things must come to an end" I keep having to tell myself that, but it doesnt help block out the pain and hurt that accumulated over the years.

My older sister, Bree, had an accident while playing soccar. She tore her ACL requiring surgery. I was only in the 5th grade.

Her first surgery didn't go well. in the end, she had to have another surgery, and another. It was terrible for both of us. i love my sister, and seeing her in terrible pain hurt alot. Plus she was always in a bad mood because it felt like she was being stabbed by a dull knife right where the incision was.

well, after a year, things calmed down and her knee gradually got better.

then, on new years eve, when i was in the 6th grade, there was a new horror. Bree hurt herself with a knife. She was opening a nerf gun with my brothers pocket knife and it accidentally slit through her thumb, cutting through the tendon. That meant she had to have more surgery. She had a couple surgerys. she had one 3 days before christmas the year i was in 7th grade. that was almost a whole year. That was her last surgery [ knock on wood] and she hasn't had one since [again, knock on wood].

again, things were somewhat calm. for a family of 6 i mean.

then, BAM! it was kinda my turn i guess.

i lost the one thing that i loved more than anything. I lost him. Bandit. The worlds best pony. at that point i'd been riding a couple years. All on bandit. i loved him just as much as i love my dog. but over the summer, he'd been sick and his owner never told me. so one day, August 24 to be exact, i went on my email and saw i had a message on facebook. it was from his owner. i went on expecting something along the lines of "we miss you and want you to come back soon". THAT was SO not it. the message said that.... he was dead. last time i saw that amazing horse was 3 days before my birthday in may. may 22 was the last time i saw that beautiful boy. and it was august 24 that she (the bitch) put him down. i wish that she called me to tell me she was putting him down, cuz then i could've said goodbye and been there for him, the way he'd always been there for me. but no. i miss him so much and the past few days have been really hard for me. the other night i fell asleep, holding his bit. i miss that amazing pony so much. i kinda blame myself for his death. if i'd been paying attention, i could have seen his symptons, and told her about it and his being put down could have been prevented, but no. i was stupid and only focussed on having fun. when i found out that he died, i went to my room and started sobbing. i took down every picture i had of a horse and swore to never love a horse again and that i'd never ride one again. and i havent since then. but when i think of all the memories i have of that horse, i cry and miss him all the more. the time i gave him skittles. all the times he bucked me. that one time he bucked and i fell off and ended up being dragged by him and he accidentally stepped on my knee. he didnt put all his weight on me and i was fine and got up with a smile. even then he was watching out for me. with him even though he was somewhat crazy, i always felt safe and knew that he loved me. he used to follow me around without the leader. he would neigh when he saw me and loved being scratched behind the ears.

then more shit went into my life. i was obviously in shcool and shitty enough, but then there was this really annoying kid who i felt like would provoke me about bandit. i made the mistake of talking about it at lunch and he was on my case about it. i left lunch almost crying and ever since then, i've been careful not to talk about bandit because i feel like ppl won't understand, or if they do they won't care.

then, even more junk went into my life.

my brother was involved in a TERRIBLE car wreck and almost died. he was at VT when it happened. he's in the corps of cadets and was on his way to go get hazed but there werent enough seats, he was told "just get in the back of that truck, you'll be fine' by one of the leaders. so he sat in the back of a chevvy blazer. there were 3 others in the back of the truck with him. somehow the driver lost control of the car and they ended up going over the 20 foot backdrop. one of the ppl sitting upfront, miraculously was fine. he crawled out of the car and managed to keep everyone calm. he talked to them saying it was alright and that help was on the way. the paramedics told him to leave everyone alone, but he didnt. he had to be pulled away. he may be the reason why my amazing big brother is alive. and for that, i love him. my brother was airlifted to roanoke. there he spent a week in the hospitol. he broke his femur bone, had a damaged brain ( like bruised), a bad cut under his eye because he got hit with a metal toolbox that was lying around in the back or the truck, some broken teeth and something at the top of his forehead, requiring stitches,. his injuries werent the worst. one of the guys had severe internal injuries and everyone thought he was going to die. but he didn't. another boy is/ was PARALYZED. waist down. what is that boy going to do now? he can't walk. he can no longer do corps activities unless by some miracle he walks again. what about that girl in the back with them? she broke her back! she thinks if it hadn't been for the boy who talked to them to make them calm she would have died. when i think about my brother and his friends lying unconcious in the back of a truck, waiting for help to come, knowing that they were hurt with each others blood on them, i just wanna run away screaming.

it's almost christmas, and that's the time of year where everyone is happy. but i'm so UNhappy. i just keep thinking about my life and how much i miss bandit, about how my brother should technically be dead, and about my gorgeous sister with all the scars on her. and about my other sister, getting married. and when i go in depth with those thoughts, how can i be happy?


Hello wonderful people reading this! How are you? I am fabulous. : ) 

BOYS: This is one topic that pretty much every girl talks about. That is pretty much a fact. Anyways, here is my latest with my interesting perspective on guys that are related to the blog:

Mr. Bingley.... sigh. So I got over him apparently... well that did not last very long. The more I thought about it, the more i liked him for many reasons. One huge reason was because he is so umm hmmm cannot think of the word.... not innocent.... not angelic.... not perfect.... like he is so ahhh CANNOT THINK OF THE WORD. I am going to dictionary.com and going to the thesourus. be right back. Okay here are their words: untarnished. clean. pure. Okay so do you kinda get what I mean? He is not the gross typical teenage guy with no filter and no judgment and no knowledge on how to treat a girl. He is quite the opposite of all of those things. Maybe that is why I like him. He is not a freak with no filter. I really do not like freaks with no filters. And something else.... I have decided and I completely posotive i will never like a guy or date a guy just because he is cute. Or hot. Or whatever. Also, I do not want to date a guy who I will feel like I have to try and "convert" or something. So yeah. Thats my perspective.

HAHAHAHA MORE GUYS: So there was some guy that liked me this summer... the like was not mutual. Anyways, he played the piano really fabulously. Guess what i found out today? MR. COLLINS plays the piano really fabulously too. UGH. What is with guys who play the piano really fabulously and liking me and me not liking them back...???? Yeah, umm well, hmmm... yeah. ugh.


NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS: HEART ON YOUR SLEEVE:  So my two amazing friends have decided that their resolutions for 2011 are to be totally open with eachother and be themselves. Interesting. Intriguing. I will do it too. Well, to a level. Here is what my opinion is on the whole thing:

HONESTY: Being honest is always the best policy. So don't lie. That is an easy part.

SPEAKING YOUR MIND: That is good too... to a level. Don't flip, just read: Speaking out for what is important to you is important. BUT, being like I am mad... i shall go and yell at them. Or being like hmm I wear my heart on my sleeve, therefore I have no filter on what I say. WHAT? No. Wearing your heart on your sleeve is glamorous. Being glamorous is like Audrey Hepburn. Not a person who is known for being rude because they "overly spreak their mind slash have no self control over their speech."

OVER ALL IDEA: I want to be honest with my friends and be myself! But, I will do it in a way that I am not haveing no self control. The End.


LIFE: Oh gosh. Here we go...

TODAY: Christmas shopping. Yess. <3 And then I went and saw Tangled and went to Cici's. Well actually I went to Cici's and then Tangled... and then Starbucks... whatever.

TANGLED: Oh. my. gosh. I loved it. It was so cute and yeah. I really really really liked it. Like a lot. GO SEE IT. You won't regret it. I promise. : )

Well anyways, I must departe soon but CHRISTMAS IS  COMING AND I AM SO EXCITED!

Sleepover is a must with Lizzy and Gwen! I will fill you in soon on all the deets with Bingley. There are a lot. LOVE YOU. jane.

.....

this weekend was... ahhhhhh amazing
i went to a sleepover after the science exams with emma. we ended up sitting around talking, then going and shooting her airsoft pistol at trees in the woods behind her house in camo makeup with the nicknames pocomoca and sasquatchina or maybe it was just sasquatch. haha idk. well we were supposed to go to a party and watch inception... but that didnt happen... cuz of the snow it was postponed. so i'm kinda sad cuz i dont think i can go tonight... sad :'(. we ended up watching letters to juliet instead. her brother was told by her mom that he should see it so he sat through the whole thing without an annoying commentary or anything. lol at the awkward places we'd kinda look over to him to find him totally absorbed in the movie so we'd laugh and make faces at each other. at the end of the movie i told her what kinda wedding she was gonna have, it was evident that she was thinking "yeah, sure whatever you say"  sarcastically
after the movie we went upstairs and gave each other makeover while playing some chicky music in the backround telling about our crushes. we serisouly talked so much about mr. knightly (i think thats his name) and earnest (yes i just gave adorbs/ glove a new name) that we started going hoarse. finally we somehow ended up talking to mr knightly on the phone and he and i started singing duets together. i can't really sing all that well, but it was fun to be rihanna while he was eminem in love the way you lie. we also did airplanes. i obviously was hayley williams and he was b.o.b. he cant really sing very well, but for a totally white kid, he can rap. we also did check yes juliet. hmm it was fun. well we got off the phone with him and started texting him.
mr knightly and i kinda got in an argument (hey we consider each other related like siblings) and in the end he was giving me little hints about earnest/ paul var jack (yes i did also just make earnest paul var jack from breakfast at tiffanys,,., i mean in a way i'm kinda like holly and i'd totally rather be some crazy new yorker who ends up with a cute guy instead of a snobby english brat who ends up with a crazy cute guy. just saying). and he told me to get good at call of duty. i told him i encouraged the mass murder of wookies in star wars the force unleashed to which he laughed and told me i suprised him everyday, well i actually need to go on facebook and get directions to go to a party tonight cuz i actually MIGHT be going to see inception after all. YAY! ok goodbye. tomorrow/ later 'm gonna be  A TON more serisous about my life.
♥ So when I should be studying for my horrid math exam I am actually thinking about Darcy! Anyway so even though I hardly know him at all I have liked him from the day I met him. Sounds crazy right? no! Let me tell you, he is the sweetest, smartest, wittiest, cutest guy you will ever meet! All year I have had only a few short conversations with him, but then all the sudden  Jane messages me and says that something happened to his schedule and that he is moving to our english class for the second semester!!! I am so excited and nervous! :) He was taking the same class, but at a different time then us. Today I had my english exam (real easy, by the way!) and I (who just could not help myself) kept glancing over at him and at least twice did I catch him *maybe* looking at me. Obviously I could be totally imagining things or blowing things out of proportion but it brought butterflies to my stomach and I brushed the hair out of my face and tinkered with my pencil all awkwardly not knowing what to do. Anyway I saw him for a minute after but it wasn’t much, I was really nervous. I think he might be there tomorrow when I go to take my math exam :D Well I have to go study for this horrible math exam (I am awful at math- it makes me cry!) I hope that I can concentrate and stop thinking about Darcy for long enough to be able to study! ♥